After The Rain

This poem has nothing to do with Israelites crossing either of the waters. It is a fictional story based on the Biblical report. I hope you like it. 

Dear mother,
it's been warm and clear
and what incredible news I have to tell!
I am soon to be a father-in-law!
Yes, mother, my daughter is young, in love and very pretty
and although you and I don't always agree with each other
- how Beth and I wish you were near
to affirm this young man's lack of flaw.
If you set off now, you can still make it in time to the city.
Aside from that, nothing ever happens around here:
that old fool is finishing the boat and speaks of raining hell,
but seriously - if a drop falls, I will stand in awe.
I'd better focus on planning the feast -
for, no god is raining on my parade, you see.
And you, don't worry about that fool from the East
rather pray to the house gods for our beautiful bride-to-be.

dear mother,
I spoke and now I find myself regretting.
It's been raining for days with no end in sight.
Maybe your house gods could change the weather
so I can stop my foolish rainy-day tally.
We might have to wait until after the rain, postpone the wedding
as their house can't be finished over night.
But imagine - the old man is getting the animals together!
Come and see it; rain will soon stop and then
you should come and join us in the valley.

Dear mother,
I don't know if you will ever recieve this letter
(and maybe just as well) any time soon.
Our creek has turned into a raging river
and its waters have moved in to live with us;
there's no sign of sun, or stars, or moon.
By gods I really hope it gets better.
In any case, there will be no wedding though,
our son-in-law was lost during the bridge repair,
the water took him as a sacrifice...
My daughter is broken, she will have to let go,
but the bridge can't be fixed and I'm falling into despair.
Pray to those gods, mother, make them throw
a better dice,
because
without that bridge, we have nowhere to go...

Mother, stay in the hills!
The city has turned into a valley of death!
People have lost their minds
and started believing out of the blue!
All they do is fast and pray
but it's too late, I just saw the old man's boat has sailed!
Many people have taken their lives, even my beautiful Beth...
But the thing that drives me absolutly WILD
is that everything the old man had sad turns out to be true!
Here it is, the judgement day
and there is nothing left for me to do,
but sit and curse and wail
and may God do with me as He will.
On the second thought,
it may be too late for you too...

My dearest son,
it's so good to hear from you.
Funny you should mention the sunny weather
as here the clouds have covered the sky
since you wrote, and it's just begining to rain.
After everything this family has been through,
it would be good to get together.
But as yong families grow, the old must die
and I'm afraid I'm in too much pain.
But mind my words, my oldest one;
the old man from the East is no fool.
When the rain starts, take your family
make friends with the old man and run!
For if it rains in the valley as here is bound to be,
it will turn it into a deadly pool!
Now help Noah with the animals and be a friend.
And don't you worry about me,
I'm safe here on the hill.
Pray to this god that I gladly send,
then board the ship if you have to and flee,
and I will see you when the rain stops, if house gods will.
After the rain, the sun will come out
(as it alsways does)
and things will get better.
We will have so much to talk about.
Just know that bad things don't happen
to good people like us.
But all of a sudden...
I really hope you get this letter.

by me

The Little Things

⁸ A third time the Lord called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. ⁹ So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
¹⁰ The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

1 Sam 3: 8-10 

For a long while, I was the kind of Christian who spent her life jumping up and down before God, waving her hands and screaming: "Here I am!!! Send me!" I eventually got tired and disappointed and lowered my hands... lowered my voice, lowered my eyes. The look down was not so appealing: people with their hopes and pains, technical things like paying bills and grocery shopping, more people with their problems,... little things that screamed for my attention. But I didn't want to do little things, I wanted to do AMAZING THINGS FOR THE ALMIGHTY, I wanted to be called like Samuel, and all the other "Special Ones".

But The Almighty remained unmoved.  I could not understand why God isn't "blessing my willing heart" like I was told He would. Why he didn't bless me "according to my faith".

But here's what I had forgotten.

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’

Mat 25:21 (ESV) 

 I could have saved myself some very uncomfortable situations if only I had kept the little things in check when there was no big mission to do. And that's just one thing. 

The other thing that the little things really helped me with, was to appreciate life. 

Life is made of moments; a heartfelt laugh with a dear friend, a good cry over a movie, a spark of hope in the eyes of a person who seemed to have given up, that little extra you can do to turn ordinary into extraordinary - and nobody has to know, getting lost in a new city, just barely catching the train, getting fired, landing a job/ apartment/ country you had never expected,... 

Seeing the multitude of meaningful moments that God sends your way will shed a more realistic light on your problems. They become a part of life, just like any success - and there IS a time for everything.

The last, but certainly not least, taking care of little things made me more sensitive to subtle voice of God. The voice of God was not in the strong wind, not in the earthquake, not in fire, but in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:11-13). So gentle that a child would mistake it for the voice of a trusted mentor in another room.

It is quite possible that without the training in "little things service" we wouldn't be able to meet God's call with a childlike simplicity and faith, and maybe we wouldn't hear it at all. That doesn't mean The Almighty would give up on calling us; even Samuel needed to be summoned four times before he understood what was going on (with a little help from Eli). All I'm saying is that the things that require negligible amount of our attention, may turn out to be more meaningful than we ever dared to think possible. 

After all, God did put us in the exact place and time where we are, according to his perfect plan to seek Him and find Him; a plan that is perfect for us.

• Honestly, what little things have you been avoiding?
• In your life with God, do you search for solutions to your problems, or His will?

Surpasses Understanding?!

It is so easy to take God for granted. We get used to the fact He is always there, that he can do anything, that he loves us even when it doesn't seem so. It's easy to drift. Slowly, He becomes a distant God who does his own thing, and I am left to my own devices to lead my life.
I stop understanding how difficult situations are supposed to be good for me. I stop trying to see it, because it doesn't make sense.
Next stage is either a theatrical collision with God in prayer, or drifting even further into passive condition, thinking "why bother?".
For some time I was happy with my choices to have those dramatic inserts where I pour out my anger and frustration to God who can "take anything" (-and He can!!). But consider this:

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.
Ex 14:15

The Lord said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?
Joshua 7:10

The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”
1 Sam 16:1

There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
1 Kings 19:9, 11

Answer me then, if you can; stand up and argue your case before me.
Job 33:5 

God doesn't seem too impressed with drama.
We get caught up in David's psalms like Ps 13; we keep asking the question How long?,  "patiently" awaiting the reasonable answers, but it never crosses our minds that we're asking the wrong questions. Insisting on answers does not equal seeking God.

David prayed in very different circumstances but he understood God's will. He did his best to save his son, and when the boy died anyway, he moved on with his life - loving God and the boy's mother. (2 Sam 12:13-24)

David never recieved an answer why a God that is full of grace and love would take away an innocent child (although his father had already repented). He gave his all to the only God, and had peace that cannot be explained.
There is time for everything, even sadness. We don't have to understand God's actions, or His peace. But we can be in intimate communion with Him and have His peace. All we have to do is give up the need to understand.

• When you seek God, what is it that you seek? 
• Do you give him human terms on which He is to reveal Himself, or does he have the same divine freedom in your heart, as you do in his?
• What does seeking God mean for your present situation?

Find your "My Way"

³⁸ Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armour on him and a bronze helmet on his head. ³⁹ David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. ⁴⁰ Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.

1 Sam 17:38-40

It is always God and me. I didn't understand how important that was, or why. A dear friend and an incredible woman of God tried to help me, a young Christian, find a personal connection with God. Every time I was facing a decision, I came to her for advice.

»Have you prayed about it?« she would ask me. No,... I had had my time with God that morning, but this situation didn't make the list. »Well then go and pray about it first and we'll talk about it next time,« was her answer, which frustrated me beyond words. And being the forgetful kind, I heard those words many times.

On one of the occasions, she added: »It is great that you are open and seek advice, but the decision needs to be yours, and it is best to make it together with God. I completely believe He will show you what to do. You will have peace about it, and it will be yours, unique like your signature, and it will strengthen your relationship with God.«

Now, that didn't help either, because it was only a description of how it will look like when the decision is already made. I can't remember well (it was 2002, in Ljubljana, Slovenia), but I think I started praying about things first, finding some options and then discussing them to gain 'an outsider's opinion'.

The story of the church in Ljubljana took a sad turn a few years later; it involved many details, but the result was, we stopped meeting together. I was in a unique situation, and I needed to do something.  talked to Christians in other cities to get some insight, consolation, understanding... Nobody could get it just right. Like David in a suit that was great, but too big for him; like Paul, who was converted by Jesus himself; like Jesus, who took three disciples with him to Gethsemane, but they fell asleep. I needed guidance specifically designed for me and my life.

»Have you prayed about it?« the voice came out of the clutter in my memory. It reminded me that God and I have been through a lot together; that I do know someone with a perfect idea, an answer that is just right. I remember I was so grateful for this voice, that in my mind I went back to this sister and hugged her. Metaphorically. =)

I ended up connecting with the nearest church, which was in Zagreb, Croatia; and I am deeply grateful for the friendships and our times together. I kept living in Ljubljana for 5 years, and those years were very significant for my Bible study, understanding of my life with God as an adventure, and making decisions that are a product of this personal adventure. Now God brought me to Düsseldorf.

• ·     What does your decision making process look like? Does it involve God?
• ·     Can you be honest with yourself and with God so that He can console and guide you?
• ·     Do you believe that you can bring anything before God?
• ·     ...

What people cannot take away

It is always God and me. Only after 13 years of Christianity I'm noticing how hectic my response is under stress. When I'm under pressure, I only exist in my little world with my problem. If more than one problem crams in, I get overwhelmed and shut down, sometimes I get sick (God makes my body rest so I have time to hear Him).

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Phil 4: 6-7(NIV)

This passage has been with me since my baptism, and I’m only starting to understand it. I’ve seen people leave Church and join another fellowship, I have seen dear friends give up on God completely, I’ve had failures and mountain-top experiences, I’ve moved to another country, I’ve had to repent from some sins over and over, and God sometimes carried me, sometimes dragged me kicking and screaming*, but He was always there, like He promised. And yet, when I found myself looking at possibly roaming the streets of Geneva the whole night – due to my own poor planning – I lost it. Blame. Disappointment. Only when I saw the two angels God had sent to my rescue, did the “faith" kick in.

It is always God and me. There will always be people (!!!) who can break my heart and people who make my heart sing. There will always be people who will make me doubt God, and people whose love will compel me to see God’s love more clearly. And I need to be aware of both.

But there is always God. In any given moment, the only thing that matters is ‘God and me’, and no people can ever change that. His greatest commandment is the only thing worth investing my little strength in. 

Maybe some questions do not apply to you. That’s ok.

• What hinders your perspective of God? Does it feel like surrender to Him means risk?
• Does a painful situation change when you bring God into it? How?
• What is your personal mission before God today? When things get ugly?

*You know the story of footprints?

The man comes to heaven and taks to Jesus about two parallel trails of footprints in the sand. Jesus explains how he had always walked with the man. The man asks about the part where there is only one trail of footprints visible, and asks Jesus why he left him alone. Jesus says "I didn't leave you, that's the part of your life where I carried you."