Something's Gotta Give

My life feels full- filled to the brim full. 

There are so many wonderful and positive ways to view life, and I feel guilty to write this.  However, I can’t shake off the mindset that there is a constant treadmill of obligations, looming deadlines, and an ever-increasing amount of responsibility.  The self-imposed pressure to excel is heavy, and in pursuing it, God’s word gets read, but at times doesn’t stick.

When I look at the Bible, it exposes my heart.  Jesus talks about my heart when he explains the parable of the seeds:

Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants.

What was the consequence for these seeds?

The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.

Something needs to give- I can’t keep this up….It’s clear.  If I want to mature, I need to take on these thorns.  They can’t continue to thrive, overwhelming and choking the word of God. 

But how to change?  Again, Jesus shed light on how to take on the thorns.

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

They put God’s word first- and everything else followed.  They genuinely wanted to listen- hence the good hearts.  They retained what they learned- implying an active listening, dwelling on these teaching, and then actual application.  Then they kept at it- when they didn’t feel like it, when other things seemed more pressing, when a harvest seemed hopeless.

For me, this will be doing less.  There are some simple things: perhaps less time on the internet- particularly Facebook.  Perhaps less time doing half-hearted efforts at tasks and using the time I have more effectively.  It might also be a few more ‘no’s’- when I choose to invest my time first in my walk with God, and after that with people.  Maybe some ‘no’s’ to overtime, too.  If I’ve made Jesus first in my life, I want to make sure He gets the first say in how I make plans.

I really appreciate that Jesus gave us a practical example of our hearts through a simple example.   

I hope that we can each develop hearts that exemplify the 4^th soil and really experience life to the full.

• What does your heart soil look like?
• Why does Jesus caution us about the thorny soil? 
• What would need to change in your heart and your schedule to have a 4^th soil heart?

Kim Bonner, Geneva, CH

Blickwechsel

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121 

It is Saturday 5pm and I've just come home from a women's event "Blickwechsel", or in simple translation "Change of Perspective". A sister shared with us what Psalm 121 means to her.

In an hour or two I am going to a town nearby where we will study the Bible with a young woman.

After my last week's confession, I feel that I am making progress in my "good fight", but I'm not feeling completely "there" yet. When I have these extended sessions that last for days, I tend to get a little sleepy, it can even seem easier to just accept the hard life and feel sorry for myself. Do you ever get like that? Most of the time I have no respect for the pity parties, but, you know, sometimes it's just the only party that comes to my mind.

Nobody cares if I'm here.

I'm on my own in this fight.

People are ungrateful and inconsiderate.

My wonderful boyfriend was not so wonderful to me today.

That person just said something that sounded encouraging, but it sounded empty.

They don't really understand what I need.

I get so wonderfully fixed on my little life that I take small, specific situations and generalize them over my whole life, and then a bad day becomes "no life at all".

But ---

 There is somebody that never fails to notice if I am "there".

⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

This someone keeps the perspective of my whole life! Including bad days.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;

This someone knows me to the core, and with His care, He takes away all excuses for self-pity - I can't blame anything on the moon or the change of weather.

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

He keeps in mind what I need.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

I get sleepy in my fight, and therefore I assume I'm not worth paying attention to either. But that's not how God measures my worth.

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

When it's too painful to trust, God says he would not direct me into a trap or put me on a slippery ground - with Him I always know where I stand.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;

Even when I try to do things that are beyond me with my own strength, I have the help of the Almighty available.

² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

The only thing I need to do is to lift up my eyes - beyond my pain and disappointment, beyond human weaknesses. It won't make all the problems go away. But my eyes will have the oportunity to see something greater than my life, to reach out for something better, to see God who invented fun and gave me countless blessings, to believe in love again, to attain the strength to give grace - TO GET A LIFE.

All I need to do is change my perspective.

Sometimes staring at problems doesn't provide a solution.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?

After all, Jesus did come to turn things upside down, didn't he?

• On the scale of 1 - 10, how difficult is it for you to let go of hurt and try to see things God's way?
• After you realize you've been hurt, how long does it take you to even start seeking God's perspective?

Up-close And Personal

Girls, I don't know if I have anything for you this week. It's been a tough one. I'm going through things even I can't really understand, much less explain and use to encourage anyone.

Basically, I have a feeling like I'm standing in front of a task that's simply beyond me. Now, I know God promissed I would not be tested more than I can bear and that He has my best in mind. But it looks like one of the "Moses situations" (see blog entry "Keep Talking To God"), where I want to turn around and run, but I really should take my shoes off, get comfortable and talk to God.
I should tell Him about my fears, doubts and insecurities. I know I should tell Him, because as I'm typing these words, I'm realizing it needs to be a confession. It really looks completelly different in my head.

Sometimes I feel like I could fight an army,
with just me and you and there's no-one could harm me.
Oh, but sometimes I can be a little shy,
it's then I need to know that you are there, that's why --- I'm singing
Be with me, Lord - when I'm down, lonely and tired,
Be with me, be my only God.
I know you said that I would not be tested 
more than I can bear and that you have my best in mind,
with everything that ever comes my way
I know you're in control, so hear me as I pray, --- 
Be with me, Lord...

As much as this song was SO written for me, I'm finding a bad seed of disbelief in my heart. And here is my confession; Im down, lonely and tired, there are things I need to do anyway, and I don't believe God would be with me.

So since it is a "Moses situation", I will look for the man himself, and one of his later "humble" exchanges with God.

¹² Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ ¹³ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”
¹⁴ The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
¹⁵ Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. ¹⁶ How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”
¹⁷ And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
¹⁸ Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”
¹⁹ And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰ But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”
²¹ Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. ²² When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. ²³ Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

 Ex 33:12-23

Can you believe this guy?!
First he declares that it's not very obvious who is supposed to go with him. Although God said He would send Aaron, and He did.
Then, Moses questions God's favor (v.13).
God: You want me to go with you personally?? 
And Moses stands his ground. Either they would walk in God's presence, or not at all. And he asks for recognition among the nations (v.16).
God: Alright, I will do that too.
And this one just blows my mind. Now show me your glory. 
Let me take a minute here to reflect on this situation in my life. I can imagine countless disciples, who, when challenged in this way, - now confess your sins; now start coming to church; now go and talk to your brother; now show me you love me; now repent from disbelief and lukewarmness - would estimate the words too strong, unloving, condescending or even harsh. 
God: You can see the back of my glory if you stand on the rock I pointed out.

I am desperate to know what was this bond between Moses and God that they could have a conversation like this. But I don't want Moses' relationhip. I want my own.
I want to have my own negotiations with the Almighty. I want to face my enemies and KNOW that God is with me. Up-close and personal, the creator himself.

Now help me, Lord, to share what I've been given,
help me make the difference with the life I'm living,
as I show my neighbor where true treasure's stored,
help me know you promised you'd be with me, Lord... 

I need to pray. A lot. There are things to be done and said. Difficult things. Maybe it's not that big of a deal as it seems to me. But it will be done in God's presence, or not at all. 

• Do you have a relationship with God in which you can demand to see His glory, and He takes you seriously?
• In which situations do you need to see Him?
• Would it be encouraging enough to see God's back?