How About A Birthday

Yesterday was a great day. I enjoy it every single year. 

First, I had a birthday smoothie, took a birthday shower and watched the sun come up on my birthday morning. As I was putting on my birthday socks, I thought (again, like every year) how tedious it is to have birthday so soon after the holiday season. But it's not important, because birthday's such a great thing to have at all. 

Yes, yes, birthday presents, cards, Facebook greetings, text messages and phone calls, all so super duper cool. But I've had enough birthdays to know that if you are not already happy, no present or card or message can make you. Seriously, if your Happy depends on gifts and cards, you will have many miserable birthdays, because there are always people who forget. Which doesn't mean they don't love you. 

I didn't have a birthday party, for the tedious reason that a week after New Year, everybody, including me, is all partied out. I did have couple of my girls over, I made them birthday lunch and they made me a gluten free birthday pear pie. It was so delicious it should be illegal. Even on my birthday.

So after I saw them out, I had a little moment of  birthday contemplation of the "thing" of birthday. The difference between the day of our birth and the day of our spiritual re-birth, baptism.

Apostle John writes:
12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
(Jn 3;12-13)

Funny, when I was baptized, I was born of God, not by human decision... and yet it was my decision - and quite important, that it was! 
And when I was born to my parents, the Bible says that was by human decision, yet the miracle of birth is beyond human influence; and I surely had no word in it. 
I love this birthday paradox.

So in a few weeks, I will be celebrating my spiritual birthday, the best decision I've ever made. Almost a little bit of an ego trip there. But yesterday was the day when God thought me worthy to come into existance. And THAT is to be celebrated. NOt only one day in a year, but all the time. 

So thank you, all of you who thought of me and wrote me messages and cards, who called, gave me presents,baked pies for me, or even those of you who forgot but would have loved to connect with me had you thought of it. I know that you care, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
You remind me that God almighty finds we worthy of existence. You remind me that life that I have is a gift, and not an achievement. You remind me that I am rich, just because I notice the wonderful little things that everyday is made of. 
Thank you for celebrating with me. For when I see you tomorrow or next week then it's not my birthday, our encounter will remind me again how wonderful it is to be alive, and that I have the power to decide to be grateful. And therefore rich. 

It's not about big deals and parties (not all the time, anyway). It's about the little things. It's about a quiet birthday dinner with my husband, who so many times since we have met, regularily says: thank you that you are there. It's about a spontaneous talk with a friend I haven't seen in a while.
It's about realizing that YOU are a gift in my life. So I want to honor you by inviting you to my birthday party.. .that WILL take place. In April. 
I have two conditions though. 

1. You must let me know that you are coming - no surprises, and please, no cancelling.
2. It's a 20's party, so you NEED to have an appropriate outfit. No excuses, that's the ticket into the party.

So how about take this week, from today, next 7 days, to chill and let go and appreciate the small things?

How about we don't complain AT ALL at least for a day, and just appreciate.

Pick a day in the next seven days when you will not say anything negative, and actively SEEK positive perspective about everything, no matter what comes your way.

No cynism, no bitter undertones, come on! no "but that situation" of "you don't understand"... Seriously. One day. We should do this all the time, so surely you can manage one day. =)

The Lord Rejects Israel

Studying the Old Testament is nothing short of an adventure. It's like a movie with a loooong, slow beginning, and when you're about to adopt the fact that nothing ever happens, it starts unraveling before your eyes and all those boring descriptions make sense.

I have just finished reading a segment in biblical history, in the time from the splitting of the kingdom of Israel in 930 B.C. to the fall of Jerusalem in  585 B.C., backwards. King by king, I made my way through the time and geography of constant tension between God and his people.

Why backwards? I dunno, maybe because I'm dyslexic and backwards makes more sense. But it gave me a new perspective on God's love. A new perspective on consequences of sin.

It was also helpful to follow a timeline, because 1, I'm a visual learning type, 2, those names all sound the same to me, so it's confusing when I don't know who killed whom and became king of that, and 3, so I can understand the time relations better. I made the timeline myself; taped together some print paper sheets, drew a line and decided that 20 cm would represent 100 years. Inserting all the kings, prophets and enemies took time, and I have done it gradually over the passed 2 years or so. It's not perfect, I just wanted a timeline that works for me, ready to use for the study of old testament. When I read a prophet, I would like to know who the king was at that time, and what the political situation was in the time of his ministry.

It has proved very helpful in my most recent study, as I have said, backwards, from the end of the kingdom of Juda, to Solomon's death. In fact, I'm quite proud of my timeline.

Today I read 1 Kings 14 and it shook me profoundly to find that immediately after the splitting of the kingdom to North (Israel) and South (Juda), God rejects Israel and says terrible and frightening things about the King Jeroboam and his kingdom.

And the Lord will strike Israel, so that it will be like a reed swaying in the water. He will uproot Israel from this good land that he gave to their ancestors and scatter them beyond the Euphrates River, because they aroused the Lord’s anger by making Asherah poles. ¹⁶ And he will give Israel up because of the sins Jeroboam has committed and has caused Israel to commit.
1 Kings 14:15-16

How deeply was God's heart broken to say that of his beloved people? At the first glance, it sounded too harsh for the God as I know Him to be, merciful, loving and forgiving. It is especially difficult to swallow keeping in mind all that the people of Israel had thus far witnessed of God's glory and power.

But since I've just read all about the kings who followed, I assume God knew that the damage that Jeroboam imposed on the heart of faith was beyond repair. The evidence is there; the sins of the following kings all reference the severity of Jeroboam's fall. Well, there was one who did even worse, Ahab, but that's another story. In late 9th century B.C. one king, Jehu, reformed religion, and brought the people of Israel back to monotheism, but not for long. Baals and asherahs kept coming back. Eventually, God brings and end to both kingdoms.

And then it hit me. Maybe God let them go because that was the only way to possibly have them back. Maybe he left them over to the mute and rigid gods they wanted to worship, so that they would see how empty life is without one true God, and they they would return willingly. Refined. Humbled. Maybe. If I think of Hosea, probably.

(Interesting, I just checked, and Hosea served around the time of Assyrian conquest of Israel.)

What a powerful, dramatic, tragic moment in time. My mind is reaching for the moment back in time when a different decision should have been made. God told them that a king was not a good idea, they didn't listen. God told them to kick out all the indications of other peoples and religions from Canaan in the time of conquest, they didn't listen. Maybe if they had, there would be no problems with the neighbors in the time of judges, and they would never have requested a king .Maybe if they had faith after crossing the red sea, and got to Canaan in a few weeks instead of 40 years, it would have been easier to obey, because Moses would still be alive. Maybe ... if they had read the Bible... =) If they had known that their idolatry would lead to their destruction... If they had believed the prophets that their sin would ruin them...

Great. I've managed to depress myself with a wonderful Bible study.

But maybe... God scattered them so that they would be on their own a little. Into the desert, like Hosea's wife. In the middle of nowhere where they are not distracted by each other's ramblings, but a little lonely and miserable, with memories of the glory days. Maybe they would come back to Him not as a nation, but as individuals with free will, and in Him find unity with each other.

God Be Like, Give A Free Hug To An Evil Person

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. ⁴¹ If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.

Mt 5:39-41 

I think it's difficult enough to love the people we love. Actually, the people we love are often the most difficult to love. With their wonderful imperfections, they come into the sharpest contrast with our feelings, and often expectations. 

And then there are our enemies. People we don't even like - for so many reasons. And we are called to love them. I am beginning to see that it is this kind of love alone, that could ever compel us to turn the other cheek. I don't know who would ever sue me for a shirt, the means sounds a little dramatic for the occasion, but I know that to give up my coat as well could happen with different motives.

#1 Fear of the court. This person seems to be determined to go all the way to get this shirt, so I try to avoid attorney fees by shutting this person up with even more clothes than they asked for.

#2 Impatience. This person is annoying, won't go away, and sounds a little desperate. Here's the shirt, the coat and my new boots, so go away and don't bother me any more.

#3 Legalism. Jesus told me to do it, I don't really understand it, but if I do it, I'm a good christian. I hope people notice. (Maybe even, poor me, I always lose things...) 

#4 Arrogance. You want what? Which shirt? Oh, I didn't even know I had that one. Yah, I don't care, I don't wear it anyway.

But of course, none of these would cut it with Jesus. He explains a few verses later that we are to extend acts of kindness to the lovable and the unlovable alike, just like God does. His idea of giving is with motivation of ---

#5 Love. This person is willing to go to court over a shirt. I wonder why it's so important. They seem to have issues beyond what I can understand right now. Maybe I can give up my coat as well, I do still have a jacket, and see if we can talk a little. ...

...or...

#6 Hot coals bucket challenge ---

Paul puts it in similar terms, it seems a little more specifically developed interpretation of Jesus' words.

 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Rom 12:17-21

#6 --- What this person is doing is evil. He/she is demanding my best shirt as if I owed it to him/her. Now I will give them also my Armani coat (that doesn't fit him/her anyway), Jimmy Choo's (although my size is smaller than his/hers), some pocket money to spend and show them off, and a big hug. He/she can't refuse a hug after that. And then let him/her think about what had just happened until they fry their brains.

Sometimes it's easier to pour ice over your own head than to put hot coals on someone else's. I don't know if I'm "there" to take on the  Hot Coals Bucket Challenge. Are you?

Seek First - Seek Always

Alright, so my 40 days of Sermon on the mount are finished. And it wasn't a daily thing and from technical angle, I failed. Some may say that I also failed from the spiritual perspective. I didn't read every day and as the days went by, I also read less often. At many points I also failed to seek the Kingdom and righteousness first, so life threw me out of my groove a couple of times.

But knowing God, my challenge is a success. He saw me make all my mistakes, actually one mistake over and over: not seeking Him first. - And He also saw how I kept coming back, trying to do better. Of course, it was in vain, because it was on my own strength and it's difficult to stop the car that's rolling already halfway down the hill. But it finally crashed - it's not even a big mess! - and I have a day off to take two steps back and analyze the situation.

Had I stuck with it, reading every day from the chapters 5, 6 and 7 in Matthew's gospel, ... wow, that would have been great! Admit it, it was a fantastic idea! The sermon is powerful!
But let's see, the wobble in my focus started after I got engaged. ...Hmm...

Here is what I really believe about putting God first.
It has to become a habit is boring. Or normal, if your life is never boring. OK, normal is also difficult to define. My friend once said that one should get the driver's license before it is needed; when you need it it's already too late. It's the same with relationship with God. We need to build the "God first" life when there is no other things that could compete - career, romantic relationship, trip, something shiny, whatever you consider big and cool. You know that one thing that creeps in over and over, "...If I only had that... then I would...". SO far from God's plan. He wants us to be truly, deeply, madly in love and happy with Him, so much that everything else is details. He wants our happiness to depend on His presence, not His blessings. Can you even imagine that kind of life? Or are you afraid that this perpetual joy would water out the cool things that happen?

We rely too much on the desert. Somewhere in the back of our mind is the concept that God would bring us into the desert to have our attention on Him. And He will. But that is a broken car that needs servicing and maybe a replacement. God wants us to prevent the car from ever crashing - in other words, He doesn't want us to find ourselves in the desert time and time again. He wants us to live in the spiritual oasis, nurtured by His love.

I truly believe there is a way to live in full awareness of God's presence. In the bliss of knowing that all is done, that the game knows how to play itself, that God has ALREADY PROVIDED. Can you imagine that peace? Are you afraid that this kind of life would be boring?

To prove that this is not just my wishful thinking:

From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. ²⁷ God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ²⁸ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.

Acts 17:26-28

God wants us to find Him. He really wants to be with us. He lets life happen to the good, the bad and the ugly, and we can face it in the desert, or, perhaps, in an oasis. God Himself has given us this choice.

Seek First 40, Day 21

It all worked out well with my boss. It seems that I got more upset than was necessary. Bah, I took it personally.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? (Mt 6:25)
And isn't work more than receiving acknowledgement and earning money?

... Is it? Hmm! 

I am half way through my 40 day challenge. So far, I can honestly say I could be more focused on this subject.
I mean, REALLY seeking God. A wonderful young lady that is studying the Bible pointed out that seeking God actually exceeds believing that God exists. True seeking God is actually seeking relationship with Him. 

I am a disciple of Jesus, and therefore my work is just an aspect of my relationship with God. He is my employer, so I work for Him... But He is also my coach, friend, support and father.

If I can focus on THAT, ... wow. It should make my work day different. I work the late shift today, and have a great opportunity to apply this immediately.

Why am I thinking about it only 14 years into my christianity?

 Will keep you posted how it goes.

Peace. 

Seek First 40, Day 16

Apparently I am still failing to shine at work.

Two days ago (immediately after my last post) I had a confusing and discouraging talk with my boss, who described me as tired and "not smiling", and is worried about my health.
First I got so angry I got into intense counter-attack mode, but soon figured out that I can't influence people what to think or say. All I can do is keep my own motivation and performance in check, and after a thorough soul-examination I found no bad conscience; therefore I decided to keep doing my job to the best of my abilities, like I have so far. My experience with the colleagues and customers is in fact exactly the opposite, so it's really difficult to understand what he is trying to tell me.

I also couldn't help but go through a difficult phase of self-blame and looking for my failures and weaknesses. But seriously, I like my job. 

Anyways. This man is my employer, I respect him, and if he thinks I don't do my job well, he can always choose to tell me that and/ or let me go. And I would respect it. I believe he has this authority for a reason, and at the end of things, I work for God. And if I do my job as well as I think, it would be wiser to keep me employed, and encouraged. =)

Meanwhile, I have a wedding to plan - print invitations, choose the menu and have the dress made. I asked God what he thinks about all this. He said:

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Mt 6:28-32

...and then the punchline in the following verse (vv 33-34)
³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

 

Seek First 40, Day 2, - in retrospect -

Things have been happening and I am a sinner and one of my weaknesses is lack of discipline. Therefore I haven't reported on the cool things that have happened, but I want to do so now, just to praise our faithful heavenly Father.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 
Mt 6:33

On the day 1, I decided to meditate on what that means. I figured it's a fail-safe idea, and it is seeking. I was really happy with my decision, and still am.

On day 2, I was considering how I can be more of a light at work, and shine God's love to my colleagues. I honestly like them - as personalities and as coworkers - and sometimes when I feel left out of private jokes, it hurts me with unexpected depth. The only thing I could come up with, is to be loving and keep being myself (making jokes, talking,...) as if I never got that unpleasant feeling. Every once in a while, this feeling turns out to be wrong anyway. I wasn't completely satisfied with the answer to my situation, but it is difficult to seek God's Kingdom where most people don't believe in Him. So I take this attitude with me every day I go to work. Nothing dramatic happened at work that Friday.
Late afternoon, my boyfriend picked me up for dinner. Let me just share at this point that we have a history of a difficult relationship, which ended in October last year. I am still deeply convinced that it was a good thing. However, after a few months of God's work on our hearts, we started seeing each other again in late February (?... Early March?), and this new relationship had very little in common with the one that had to go. I was happy. I still am.
We had a picnic on a beautiful Spring day, and in this fantastic river side scenery, Stephan asked me to marry him. I said yes.
Now, you may argue that attempting to seek God at work is not at all related to getting engaged, but I believe that God was faithful. He doesn't need me to be perfect. He said in the passage quoted above that if I seek Kingdom, everything else will be given to me. And it is exactly what happened. And there was evening, and there was morning - second day.

Day 4 was a Sunday. It made me think of this years little New Year's Eve celebration with a few of the most extraordinary women I know. At dinner, we shared our "plans" for 2014. Hongshi said she will be baptized. Anna said she will be baptized too. I said I will get married. Now, Hongshi and Anna were studying the Bible, but I had just broken up a relationship. The girls gave me a confused look and asked: "Who will you marry?!" I said, Stephan.
On this specific Sunday in May, after the worship service, we took a ride to Köln, to witness a dear, and very strong woman, a determined student of the Bible, give her heart to Jesus and be baptized. Her name is Anna.
Hongshi is already our sister, since early April.

I have to admit that I had lost the focus on my study target, but I keep going. I have been in a whirl of new feelings and ideas since engagement, and I'm slowly getting my foothold back. With everything there is to do, it will be a very good idea to seek God first.
Last few days I have been thinking about this one:

“The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, ²¹ nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.”
Lk 17:20-21 

Let's see what happens.