Seek First 40, Day 16

Apparently I am still failing to shine at work.

Two days ago (immediately after my last post) I had a confusing and discouraging talk with my boss, who described me as tired and "not smiling", and is worried about my health.
First I got so angry I got into intense counter-attack mode, but soon figured out that I can't influence people what to think or say. All I can do is keep my own motivation and performance in check, and after a thorough soul-examination I found no bad conscience; therefore I decided to keep doing my job to the best of my abilities, like I have so far. My experience with the colleagues and customers is in fact exactly the opposite, so it's really difficult to understand what he is trying to tell me.

I also couldn't help but go through a difficult phase of self-blame and looking for my failures and weaknesses. But seriously, I like my job. 

Anyways. This man is my employer, I respect him, and if he thinks I don't do my job well, he can always choose to tell me that and/ or let me go. And I would respect it. I believe he has this authority for a reason, and at the end of things, I work for God. And if I do my job as well as I think, it would be wiser to keep me employed, and encouraged. =)

Meanwhile, I have a wedding to plan - print invitations, choose the menu and have the dress made. I asked God what he thinks about all this. He said:

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Mt 6:28-32

...and then the punchline in the following verse (vv 33-34)
³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.